Disability Rhetoric

One of the first quotes I commented on that affected me early into the quarter on September 27th was from the section of the O’Toole reading where the group is doing an exercise to see if the members believed they were disabled. O’Toole states that, “The forty women who joined the “not Sure” group were all women that…. I would easily consider to be disabled.” Commenting on this quote I wrote, “This quote was really meaningful to me because when people don’t have obvious disabilities it’s very easy to not realize they are disabled. I know I have some impairments that may be considered a disability but really I’m not sure if they would qualify.” Part of the reason why I wanted to take this class in the first place was to figure out if I can claim the title of disabled as an autistic person who has never pursued accommodations until recently, in particular because I’ve been very successful in both school and work. What I never considered until taking this class is that the toll my success it takes on my bodymind and how long it takes me to mentally recover from even a few hours masking is not something to be ignored and I shouldn’t have to feel the need to wait until my breaking point to ask for accommodations.

On October 11th the journal prompt was for us to describe our relationship to identity/culture focused disciplines, and I wrote, “I haven’t taken classes on many identity/culture focused disciplines. However, being in this class has affected me in that I’m more comfortable talking about the issues disabled people face, whereas before I had avoided the subject.” Reflecting on this quote I began thinking about why I had avoided the subject of Disability until now, and I think it’s just because I knew that if I opened that can of worms for myself I wouldn’t be able to close it again. Because of this class I have begun to pay far more attention to my needs as an autistic individual and look at my experience with autism in a kinder light instead of powering through and ignoring my mental health as I was taught to throughout my youth. I have been able to do this because I have learned more about how to look at myself and others through a disability studies lens rather than an ableist one. The phenomena of the conflation health and disability is one that blew me away because I had always unconsciously and incorrectly believed in it just like the women in the O’Toole reading who were unwilling to immediately embrace a disabled identity.

My last important quote was in regards to the phrase “temporarily disabled” from 10/25 where I said, “This is an important phrase because I think most non-disabled people think that disability is usually caused by mistakes, tragic events, poor self-care, and so it can usually be avoided if you’re say a safe driver or take care of your body.” I still think that this is true because I certainly had the idea ingrained into me when I was young and thought I was neurotypical, and it has taken me a long time to feel secure in the fact that I can perceive myself as disabled without having been through a major accident that was the result of the negligence of myself or others. Coming from a family that espouses phrases like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” and whose main values surround the idea that one must always be proving their value and usefulness to the world and to the people around them, the idea that I might not be as capable of adhering to that sort of grind culture in the same way that they do was a hard pill to swallow. However, being in this class and reading through the Disability Visibility book about all of the great things disabled people around the world have been able to accomplish for themselves and others often because of their disabilities has been incredibly inspiring to me, even though I have tried to avoid viewing these individuals through a lens of inspiration porn. Overall this course was very challenging for me on a personal level, but I know that the ideas I’m taking away from this class have already and will continue to benefit me in the long run.