personal journey

Course Journey Narrative

Isabelle S9 Comments

This course journey has been really eye opening to how much disability and non-disability impact my life and the lives of others. After watching Crip Camp, I wrote in my journal about how I wish I had been taught about this historical event when I was younger, when my history classes went over civil rights movements. I think this digs into why a part of this course has been bittersweet to me. Because if I hadn’t taken this course I likely would have never learned about the history of disability and the impact it makes on the rest of society – despite most of my family and even myself having out own disabilities. However, I’m also really happy to have been able to see so much pride and community regarding disability. The film Sins Invalid was really special to me. I wrote about how seeing artistic expression of disability, and the behind the scenes of such creative works, was really powerful and beautiful. 

A reading that really stood out to me was the one on Disability and Mythology. I wrote about how Daredevil is supposed to be disabled, but he “makes up for his disability” by being able to sense people more accurately than a person with sight. I think this notion of making up for something could be seen in so many other aspects of the world. How people value others is a really odd thing, and I think it ties into the concept of normalcy and the normal experience. Overall, looking closely at disability, and going so in depth on one topic, has been really captivating and I feel really well versed in this topic. My main goal at the start of this class was to learn how to better represent disabled people in writing, seeing as I want to go on to jobs using creative writing, and I think this class has helped me extraordinarily in preparing for that, but it has also opened my eyes to a whole new academic world, and social and cultural world as well.

For some reason I can’t forget what Lily said during an early class discussion on accommodation; that people lack accommodations not because people don’t care, but because there are so many different types of people that have to be accommodated, and that it takes time to hear from everyone. I feel like this is a positive notion that I want to keep moving forward. That people really do want to help disabled people. I think this type of thinking brings hope for the future.

Looking Back at English 401

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This class overall was a new experience for me in a very beneficial way. It felt like an appreciation for re-learning what space and language means in a multitude of different forms that also convey “new” ways (new to me) of representation for each. Throughout my journey I learned to reinforce certain ideas I previously had gaining more confidence in my critical-empathetic thinking skills, un-learn language that could be harmful and preventable through more thoughtful engagement, and challenge others around me to do the same with education. Something that I struggled with at times is integrating and separating my own background and schemas into these subjects. I was never a perfect ally to the disabled community but that was due to my own in-experience with the subject as a whole. I quickly found out there is a lot of overlap with certain language and thought processes when it comes to psychology and disability studies. However, I am not the first to point out that aspects of psychology have disregarded or otherwise disrespected the community in many ways.  

Language would be a huge addition to the intersect as well as differences with psychology and disability studies. Traditionally, I am not completely familiar with the neurobiology side of psychology nor is it my main interest. However, I do know some of the neurobiology that can follow different conditions of the mind. I even teach a peer support group on mental health and for one day we learn a small bit about biology. When we discuss how harmful the medical-biology focus can be with disability I immediately followed along. I’ve witnessed the inconsiderate take that doctors can have at times and the ill use of specific words/phrases when talking to a patient. What stuck out to me is it can be slightly different with mental health. As an aspiring therapist, I want my future patients to know that it can be empowering to learn about why they are reacting to things the way they are and how that works but strictly only if they desire to know. Education is empathy and it starts with learning about oneself. That is bound to look different for everyone so while some may want to learn, others will not and that is okay.  

I believe that key themes and specific ideas stuck with me throughout this quarter. The biggest one would have to be kairotic spaces. It was nice to immediately note that Andrew uses all of the teaching techniques that was included in the piece about how to make the classroom a kairotic space. I think it can be useful later in my life and therapy. Additionally, I think it would be interesting to read about how kairos/kairotic space works within different relationship dynamics too. Another big theme I enjoyed was learning about the intertwine between rhetorical analysis and disability studies. After learning about rhetoric last quarter, I was invested and seeing it applied to something social justice and community based kept me engaged.  

We continuously tried to define disability studies. At the beginning of the quarter, I wrote with not so much confidence that disability studies, “Interacts with the rhetorical through occupying spaces implicitly and explicitly. Like rhetoric, disability studies will always be changing and moving with/throughout the human body. It pays no mind to the physical form of the body or abilities because that is never a guaranteed constant.” Now, I would say with confidence that disability studies aims to challenge its audiences through an embodied rhetoric that cannot truly be captured or accurately placed into a definition. It changes and moves with rhetoric and adapts its abilities with engaged participants like kairotic space.  

English 401: A retrospective look at the past three months.

Djellibeybi4 Comments

From your beloved friend, honorable man, dearest of scientific minds who exist on the liberal plain.

To the dearest Readers, Beloved in all forms and municipalities.

Greetings.

It is a requirement of this academic course on disability rhetoric that I present to this humble assemblage, an account of my experience of this course over the last three months. This is not a comprehensive look into the entirety of my time involved in this course, but rather a qualitative look back into the nature of the topics involved, the intellectuals I had the pleasure of interacting with, both in written, virtual, and physical forms. This should be an exhilerating experiance for all peoples involved, so let us digest the following info.

I was not certain about a lot of the experiences I would gain from this class; it was very little comfort that I was the only male of my species, the genus homo discipulus, in my course. It was some small relief that my teacher was the only male of his respective species, Homo Lectoris, so we could convalesce on our shared experiance of being the only ones of our kinds as he navigated me through his home planet, Panepistimio-Taxi.

It was a topic that I had an interesting, having had a brother with moderately severe autism, but was not particularly knowledgeable about. I found the professors lectures style was very engaging, using multiple forms of media to engage with the students in different ways. The videos where definitely interesting, with films such as “Crip Camp” and “Sins Invalid” (Which I have to admit, was difficult to watch for me – the only time I felt uncomfortable in class). The text, Disability Visibility was a very interesting collection of short essays and stories from different disabled people from different perspectives and backgrounds, and I thought it was fascinating. My favorite was Blind Astronomer Finds a Way to Hear the Stars, which talked about disabled scientists in the scientific community. This essay inspired me to look into disability in my field, which is Chemistry. I’ve also thought the academic papers where interesting, though I often didn’t have that much time to read through them all the way. Much of the discussion on these papers did help with catching up with anything I missed though.

Learning about how disability affects society, personal relationships, thoughts, academia, etcetera, was very fascinating. It gave me a few ideas on how to become the new dictator of this new world. But other than that, I thought this class was extremely thought provoking, especially on my biases and opinions, and I definitely involved into a more advanced disciple.

Sincerely,

Future lord of the universe.

Once Upon An Ivory Castle

unsureunderwaterobot3 Comments

I have written and rewritten the first sentence of this course journey narrative a dozen times. I think I will just tell it like a chronological tale.  

Once upon an ivory castle, there was an English class. The class was bountiful in credits and aligned beautifully with my schedule, so alas, I registered. To my pleasant surprise, the class was all things activism—a passion that runs rampant through my veins. The class began unlike many, recognizing positionality and introducing ourselves on an interpersonal level. Already, the professor was breaking the fourth wall and making space to include students of all diverse backgrounds.  

The first day of class a rush of nerves spiraled in my stomach and up my spine. It was my first class meeting in person in two years. The classroom was dark, a basement cellar of sorts, but we recreated the space into something much more vibrant. The vibrancy of this space was cultivated through the words we shared.  

“Disability studies,” a subject I was barely acquainted with. Before the start of the quarter, I understood the social model of disability, but did not have the language to articulate it. I understood the dangers of pity and inspirationPorn, but I was unaware of the proper language and the more philosophical/rhetorical influences of disability studies. I was ignorant of the nuance of disability studies. I did not have exposure to many anecdotal experiences of folks with diverse disabilities. I did not know about the exact legislation regarding disability rights. I had minimal knowledge regarding Kiarotic spaces, crip space/time, Metis, or other intersections of disability and rhetoric. Before this class, I had a loose understanding of disability studies, now, eleven weeks later, I feel more well-rounded and have the language and understanding to ask more questions moving forward.  

In the first weeks of class I felt hesitant to give my perspective on disability-oriented topics. I felt comfortable expanding on the greater hierarchal structures and connecting the topics in class to ideas I understood, but I did not want to mis-speak. As the quarter went on, I grew more confident expressing my questions and ideas surrounding the subject.  

Several aspects played a role in becoming more comfortable in class, the key player was gaining knowledge. I gained the proper terms and understanding to participate courageously. Additionally, the dynamic environment aligned with the way my brain functions. The class was flexible in a way that allowed for fluidity. There were no wrong answers, just concepts to be further discussed. I felt comforted by the nonacademic aspects of the class, I learn best visually and through storytelling; our word maps and nonfiction readings/viewings provided an ideal learning environment.  

Overall I came a long way in this class. It was structured in a way that I was able to stay (mostly, with the exception of  sick days) engaged in the content. I know everyone has a different learning style, but if I could learn all subjects through this pedagogy, I would have a much more successful college experience.  

My Disability Studies Journey Through Learning and Acceptance

Turnip Friend1 Comment

One of the first quotes I commented on that affected me early into the quarter on September 27th was from the section of the O’Toole reading where the group is doing an exercise to see if the members believed they were disabled. O’Toole states that, “The forty women who joined the “not Sure” group were all women that…. I would easily consider to be disabled.” Commenting on this quote I wrote, “This quote was really meaningful to me because when people don’t have obvious disabilities it’s very easy to not realize they are disabled. I know I have some impairments that may be considered a disability but really I’m not sure if they would qualify.” Part of the reason why I wanted to take this class in the first place was to figure out if I can claim the title of disabled as an autistic person who has never pursued accommodations until recently, in particular because I’ve been very successful in both school and work. What I never considered until taking this class is that the toll my success it takes on my bodymind and how long it takes me to mentally recover from even a few hours masking is not something to be ignored and I shouldn’t have to feel the need to wait until my breaking point to ask for accommodations.

On October 11th the journal prompt was for us to describe our relationship to identity/culture focused disciplines, and I wrote, “I haven’t taken classes on many identity/culture focused disciplines. However, being in this class has affected me in that I’m more comfortable talking about the issues disabled people face, whereas before I had avoided the subject.” Reflecting on this quote I began thinking about why I had avoided the subject of Disability until now, and I think it’s just because I knew that if I opened that can of worms for myself I wouldn’t be able to close it again. Because of this class I have begun to pay far more attention to my needs as an autistic individual and look at my experience with autism in a kinder light instead of powering through and ignoring my mental health as I was taught to throughout my youth. I have been able to do this because I have learned more about how to look at myself and others through a disability studies lens rather than an ableist one. The phenomena of the conflation health and disability is one that blew me away because I had always unconsciously and incorrectly believed in it just like the women in the O’Toole reading who were unwilling to immediately embrace a disabled identity.

My last important quote was in regards to the phrase “temporarily disabled” from 10/25 where I said, “This is an important phrase because I think most non-disabled people think that disability is usually caused by mistakes, tragic events, poor self-care, and so it can usually be avoided if you’re say a safe driver or take care of your body.” I still think that this is true because I certainly had the idea ingrained into me when I was young and thought I was neurotypical, and it has taken me a long time to feel secure in the fact that I can perceive myself as disabled without having been through a major accident that was the result of the negligence of myself or others. Coming from a family that espouses phrases like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” and whose main values surround the idea that one must always be proving their value and usefulness to the world and to the people around them, the idea that I might not be as capable of adhering to that sort of grind culture in the same way that they do was a hard pill to swallow. However, being in this class and reading through the Disability Visibility book about all of the great things disabled people around the world have been able to accomplish for themselves and others often because of their disabilities has been incredibly inspiring to me, even though I have tried to avoid viewing these individuals through a lens of inspiration porn. Overall this course was very challenging for me on a personal level, but I know that the ideas I’m taking away from this class have already and will continue to benefit me in the long run.

A Journey Through Crip Time and Kairotic Space: Four Months in ENG401

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My twelve-week journey through ENG401: Disability Writing and Rhetoric has felt too short, and as my rhetorical skills grow stronger the more I write and study in class, the end of the quarter also draws closer—yet I know that opportunities to apply what I have learned will readily appear as I complete my English Literature degree at Western. Out of everything, I am the most grateful for the rhetorical and discursive terminology and strategy I have learned this quarter in ENG401: such as metis methodology, or the concept of an utterance, or the templates we received October 22nd for reliably articulating theses of academic research papers. So, I’ve taken time alone with my course journal, the piece of writing I am most proud of from any of my classes this quarter, to measure my academic growth as a writer, rhetor, and as a student of disability studies over the last four months. Below, each month I’ve spent in the course has one quote from the prompted journal entries which kicked off each class meeting ascribed to it. I hope that each quote demonstrates in detail my academic position at that time, and each month’s associated motif captures my feelings towards the processes of the course, which I have labeled as Gathering, Observing, Analyzing, and Connecting.

September: Gathering

“Simi Linton’s deconstruction of words as something we understand, but also something we feel—or do not feel—about, inspired me to reconsider the words I use on paper vs. in common speech”

  • Session three, 9/27/21

In September, classes had just begun and I had so much ableist rhetoric and language to unlearn, it was hard to keep my journals free of unintentional yet offensive language towards the disability community. However, my quote demonstrates a close reading of the assigned text, and a resonance with the personal, which is evidence of my willingness to grow as I gathered knowledge and gained familiarity with course concepts (like the social model of disability or passing), earning experience as a rhetor at the same time. At this stage, I was still grappling with the language I needed to make direct and accurate claims about assigned readings.

October: Observing

“In America, the body is taught from the perspective of nondisability, homogeneity, and thought of as one coherent system that cannot function otherwise. This frame of thought approaches disability as a deviation from the ‘true’, otherwise nondisabled self.”

  • Session seven, 10/06/21

October is when I began to gain confidence in my knowledge of rhetorical situations and appropriate disability studies language. In my quote, words such as “nondisability”, “frame of thought”, and “deviation” are such demonstrations of improved rhetorical vocabulary and comfort with DS terminology. By session seven, I was using this more advanced language to make specific assertions about assigned texts, but rarely was able to go a level deeper into analysis.

November: Analyzing

“[viewing] Conference spaces as kairotic spaces put emphasis on their dynamism in joining spontaneity with professionalism.”

  • Session twenty, 11/05/21

In November, class meetings fully expected our engagement in, and development of, analyses of rhetorical situations: from the perspective of the exigence, audience, and constraints, with selected authors of course texts frequently being compared to one another through creative avenues of discourse. My quote shows that by the twentieth class meeting, I was able to develop unique claims about rhetorical concepts and how they interact with real-life scenarios, further proof of my growth as a writer, reader, and rhetor.

December: Connecting

“While [one classmate]’s project focused on communication and coping within relationship categories, [another classmate] was concerned with bringing to light an uncentered issue. So in that way, both sought to educate with their projects.

  • Session twenty-nine, 12/01/21

December—when the course drew to a close! While my quote relates to a peer review and workshop of ENG401’s major project drafts, I feel that it shows my ability to connect metadiscourses within the realm of disability studies. One student’s paper takes an interdisciplinary angle of political science and disability studies, and the other a psychological approach. As of now, I have experience in comparing two things which at face value might seem different. Ease in forming connections with others, and connecting the directions students have taken their final projects back to the content of the syllabus has been the result of my time in ENG401, and I feel this has made me a better writer by any standard.

In truth, the construction of this blog post relies to a moderate extent on skills and strategies I have learned in ENG401. I hope that my course journey provides encouragement in pursuing that which appears difficult, but is manageable with proper organization and assistance. More than anything, I want to thank my professor and classmates for a memorable quarter!

Vermon’s Journey

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Where I started….

I entered this quarter with no knowledge of Disability Studies but with experience surrounding disability. I had little to no expectations for the content I would encounter. I assumed I would enjoy learning about the discourses surrounding disability. Then we watched “The Kids are Alright” and I remember thinking, “Oh my god! am I an evil, horrible ableist?” I was immediately untrusting of the content and creator which sparked a small internal crisis. At this point, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride the rest of the quarter.

The journey, itself.

I believe about every other week something we discussed in class triggered me. Sometimes I hid it well, other times I think it was obvious I was incredibly upset. This was a class that I either viscerally hated or was enamored with. This is mostly my fault. I engaged with a topic that triggered me repeatedly, sometimes bringing it into readings where it was not present. I am, of course referring to focus of my project, normalcy.  I have identified it to be almost the root of evil but also the supporting structure for most things we discussed. This only reinforces my first main takeaway from the quarter, understanding the audience is key to effective communication. There have been a few instances where I have misjudged my audience this quarter. Our discussions in class have made me more conscious of how “[a] message changes or gets lost very easily depending upon the audience” and my way of approaching my intended audience. I tend to dedicate a lot of energy to considering my audience’s needs, agenda, and values. I dedicate even more energy towards this as learned I need to consider a potentially unintended audience. There has have been a couple issues such as Masquerade, Prosthesis, and language that have highlighted that occasionally it is the unintended audience who hold more power over the discourse or situation surrounding an issue than the intended audience. Thus, it is negligent to just simply ignore a potentially unwanted interpretation of your message. This is also why contextualization is important, especially when engaging critically with a text. As demonstrated by anything written by Dolmage, context is vital when dealing with abstract concepts. In a particularly comedic moment, I gave another classmate a quote with a contextualizing sentence attached to help them interpret an abstract sentence. I had wanted to hear someone else’s thoughts on the concept he was referring as it seemed very out place in his rhetorical flow. They asked for context. I had thought I had given context, but it was not enough. To be honest I am not sure I could have given this classmate anymore context because the context I gave was all I had myself.

Arriving at the Destination.

I am happy the journey is over. I am really exhausted. It was a fun but tiring trip. Lastly, I want to touch back upon “The Kids are Alright”. My concern over holding abelist veiws was not unwarrented. It would be odd if I did not hold some abelist veiws because I have grown up in a violently abelist society. This is something we all will have to struggle against and engage in self-critique to overcome.

The Journey of Turtle

turtle1 Comment

I think the first important moment in this class that I want to discuss is Sins Invalid. The film was beautiful and it really stuck with me throughout the course. I wrote in my journal, “The art they created was beautiful, emotional, and I found myself incredibly inspired by their authenticity.” I am a very artistic and creative person, I spent a lot of my time on the stage growing up. I understood the stage as a place to express yourself and your experience, to show the world a piece of your soul and hope to get them to understand. I think this was the first moment I truly began to understand the experience of those with disability. It was the first time I was able to connect and relate to their experience. I understood their need for love, acceptance, to be seen in a different light. I felt like there was a crack in the foundation of my original understanding of disability after watching the film.

Another big moment throughout the course for me was understanding the disability community in terms of a marginalized group. This was another way I managed to relate and empathize with this community as a person belonging to another marginalized group. I wrote in my journal, “For marginalized groups, we crave the feeling of belonging because it is this notable experience that fills us with pure joy”. I remember the moment I was truly accepted as a Palestinian woman and how much joy and success I felt when it happened. I remember that longing slipping away and now I understand why the disability community yearns for it so strongly. I was able to understand their need to belong, to find a place that would accept them as people. I have spent a long time looking for the same thing, I understand their feeling of displacement and need for acceptance. I think a trend I’m starting to see in my personal journey is the need to connect personally and find understanding in that sense in order to truly widen my knowledge.

I think the last moment I want to discuss is masquerading. The entire need for the concept upsets me. I had learned about masquerading before in previous classes applied to different groups. Every single time we discuss it, it angers me. I hate that we live in a society that makes people feel like they can’t be authentically themselves. That they need to hide their disability, race, religion, background, or aspects of their personality in order to be treated in a respectful way by others. I wrote, “It is incredibly damaging to a person’s identity. At the same time, those that do choose to pass if they can are shamed by their community as hiding or being ashamed of themselves when they aren’t. This whole concept feels like a double ended sword.” I remember being infuriated for the rest of the day after this conversation in class and carrying that anger with me for the rest of the day. I made a promise to myself to make sure that every person I encountered or built a relationship with would feel comfortable being their authentic self around me without feeling at risk of disrespect or discrimination by me. I want everyone around me to feel safe to allow themselves to be nothing more than what they are because that is more than enough.