Don’t Mourn for Us // Jim Sinclair

Summary:

Don’t Mourn for Us is an essay written by Jim Sinclair about the complexities of birthing and raising an autistic child. The author explores the processing period for parents who have autistic children; they break down the misconceptions and reframe thinking from mourning, to learning. Autism is described as foreign-ing. By this, I mean that autism is not a dismissible characteristic, but rather a way of being outside of our preconceived notion of “normal”. Sinclair gives tips as to how to refashion perspectives in a way that honors autism.

Quotes/Analysis: 

“I urge parents to make radical changes in their perceptions of what autism means” (Sinclair pg. 2).

I believe this quote gets to the heart of the essay. This is what the author is requesting. 

“Autism isn’t something a person has, or a “shell” that a person is trapped inside. There’s no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive; it colors every experience, every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter, very aspect of existence. It is not possible to separate the autism from the person, and if it were possible, the person you’d have left would not be the same person you started with” (Sinclair pg. 2). 

I believe this quote is why the author feels so strongly about training parents of autistic children. This quote explains the true meaning of autism, which is often misunderstood and then poorly approached. 

“Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you” (Sinclair pg. 4).

This quote is part of the authors recommendations for moving forward. 

Reflection: 

There are aspects of the language used that made me uncomfortable, but maybe that’t the reality of having an autistic child? I was surprised the way the author closed with a scenario of an alien child, referring to them as “it”. But overall I think this was a very insightful read. I think it would/will take so much unlearning to think in the way the author is recommending. The framework they are coming from is so foreign for so many people, but it is worth sharing.