Imposter Syndrome and Parenting with a Disability by Jessica Slice 

Summary: 

In this emotional and heartwarming short narrative, author Jessica Slice speaks on what it is like to go through motherhood so far while living with a disability. Slice was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome which greatly complicates how she moves, what environments she can be in, and daily physical activities in general. Khalil, her son, was a foster child that Slice and her husband lovingly took in when he was a baby. Khalil’s infancy stage was her favorite because their physical needs/capabilities were compatible. She got to spend an ideal amount of time with him. They were able to have physical closeness that is important to a mother and child. As Khalil grew up and entered his rambunctious toddler stage, she was not able to continue that level of closeness. More and more Khalil was mainly out of the house. As most of us know but do not acknowledge, a lot of what being a mother can be is typically emphasized on physical capability. Slice’s illness brought on a feeling of imposter syndrome because she did not meet that image of “mom” we so often see. However, she reminds herself of two important things. One, Khalil will get older and become mentally/verbally mature. He will begin to understand his mother more and her needs, as she will with him. Their bond will only grow stronger. Two, she has almost mastered the emotional and mental aspects of parenting. That is, to support, listen, and care for your own child’s mental well-being.  

Quotes: 

“Fortunately, love isn’t a collection of capacities, of practical contributions. My love isn’t diminished by my inability to carry my son up the stairs, just as it isn’t diminished by the fact that I didn’t carry him in my uterus.” (Pg. 132) 

“He knew I was there for him, even if my body wasn’t.” (Pg. 133) 

“Years of restricted movement have trained me to attend, to slow down, to savor.” (Pg. 132) 

This one made me tear up in the best possible way. Not because I felt sad or inspired. I felt that for the first time, I was hearing a parent embrace the importance of emotional connection with their child. As mentioned previously, we tend to focus on the physical. Playing games with your child, taking them to fun places, and having nap time. It’s not that any of that is unimportant, rather there comes a point where that child grows up. Kids who do not feel emotionally safe and supported by their parents will not get on well later in life with processing difficult things. Another part of Slice’s piece I liked is how she defined what love is not. Love can never be restricted to the body when the mind within can do so much without needing every function of the body. You don’t physically see love, you feel it.