Dear Reader,

I don’t really share these types of feelings towards anyone…especially to such a big audience, but here I go.

For the past few years I’ve been dealing with some self acceptance/image problems. I can’t really place a time and date when it all began, but it’s been ongoing.

These past few years I’ve always been hard on myself. Telling myself that “I’m not good enough” in so many categories: school, sports, social gatherings, physically, mentally, and the list goes on. Furthermore, I always viewed myself as an “ugly” person–often times on my physical appearance, but most of the time on my humanity–and I often told myself that I don’t deserve to live the good life I currently live in and someone else does.

What boggles my brain especially is “Why?” I hope this doesn’t come off as bragging, but I have a good life: I was raised in a loving environment. I have a loving family. I live in a safe area. I have friends. I go to a university. I have good health (hopefully). I have a GREAT life.

I guess in a way you  could call me spoiled, selfish, ungrateful for thinking such negative things on myself. I think the reason why I thought of myself in such a negative way was because I had everything and so I “needed” to find things wrong.

And these past few days, especially last night after talking to Anthie (shout out to Anthie Poon, for being a freaking rockstar) I realized I have no reason to hate myself AT ALL. 

I can imagine this post can break so many hearts especially my family and friends. To my family and friends, you did a wonderfully amazing job for granting me this beautiful life that I live now and after writing this post I don’t think I deserved all the love and happiness you’ve brought into my eighteen years of life. So PLEASE don’t think the reason I’ve been going through this was because of something you did (this is a self problem, not relational one).

So to my readers, I’m not asking for your pity or sympathy. I just want you to know that I’m tired of being ungrateful and being so hard on myself. I want you to know that I live a good life and I can’t thank God enough for this life. I want you to know that I will begin to love myself for the way God made me. I will let go of all the negativity that I create in my life because it is NOT needed. This is me and I deserve to love myself and treat myself a little better because that’s the life I want to live.

I am Me

And to those that are probably going through the same thing too: You DESERVE to love yourself and experience happiness in this life as well.

Love,

Kate