Hello reader,
I think it’s good to be honest with oneself and express the current displeasures of life, so I think I’m going to start a series called “The Current Displeasure of Life.” Here I go!
For the past month and a half, I have been dealing with something mentally draining and emotionally damaging. I don’t quite know how to write about what I’m going through in a grammatically correct way so I’ll give you an analogy:
Do you have someone in your life that you would drop any task for at the beckoning of their call just because that’s how much you love them? Let’s say you have a best friend (because everyone has a best friend) and you tell them EVERYTHING! Every secret, every passion, every dislike, everything. Now how would you feel if then your best friend dropped you for someone else…you broke down every wall to be transparent with them because you trusted them and now they’re gone with all your secrets. You’re alone now because that was your go-to person.
If you haven’t guessed what this something is, it’s the feeling of betrayal (or in other words, breaking of trust).
I have never experienced something like this before, I’ve always thought that I’m pretty good at choosing the “correct” people. Now, unfortunately, I find myself questioning who in my life are the “correct” people or who in my life won’t hurt me. I never had a problem with trusting someone before, but now I do, even my closest friends. I don’t like it, I don’t like not being able to trust someone when they haven’t done anything to me to question their trust. I’m having trouble being vulnerable because I’m scared they will betray me like the other. I’ve always been honest with everyone I encounter especially to those that I care about…Did I expect too much in return?
I guess this is just another lesson to be learned. Another displeasure of my life. I just pray that I can find the courage to trust again and pray that no one may feel this kind of pain (and if so that they may heal as well).
My advice to you dearest reader is please do not do anything that would jeopardize the character of another human being, especially a human being you say you cherish and care for. Always tell the truth because lying gets you no where and always think about your actions before committing them because you can’t go back in time.
Love,
Kate
Dearest writer 🙂 ,
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I dare to say, I understand your situation completely. We may come from different paths, but I can explain the past year exactly like how you expressed yourself in this blog entry.
I was also once hurt, someone whom I gave my all to and expected morning in return – and well, I did end up getting nothing in return. They left me good memories, though tainted with the present betrayal. Their absence still makes my heart ache sometimes, and I hate myself for it.
Because of what they’ve done, I’ve also closed myself from people, distanced myself from everyone, because I was afraid to trust again. I didn’t know whether the people I count on now are trustworthy or not. The person I trusted the most can betray me, so how do I know others can’t do the same? And I can’t be hurt again, there’s only so deep a wound can go.
My advice to, Kate, is to learn slowly to trust the people around you again. Don’t force yourself right now, or feel bad that you can’t trust them at the moment. It takes time to heal, the process for a wound takes medicine, takes love, and most importantly it takes time. The true friends will stay by you even as you doubt their honesty, and when you are ready, they will be there to continue your life journey with you.
As for the person that caused us so much harm, I have learned to forgive them. I have learned to still treasure the beautiful memories we made, and let the pain fade in time. I have learned to trust others again, and be open to new friendships and relationships. Instead of shutting myself out and staying within the comfort zone, I’ve starting doing things I haven’t done this past year, with the only reason being to meet new friends and create more laughable memories. I used to do everything in order to keep the pain away or from growing, but I’ve learned to walk away from that and I truly believe there is hope in you to do the same. Just give it time, and let God do the rest. God bless you Kate! I hope you continue on your road to recovery, knowing there are loving people surrounding you, and also people like me who have gone through it ❤️
We LOVE a strong queen! I appreciate how open and vulnerable you are about sharing your pain. I know exactly how you are feeling, and it’s hard…but you will get through this. You are so strong, and you’ve always been strong, since we were little. You deserve all of the happiness in the world!!! The beautiful thing that comes with this pain is healing, and you will slowly start to heal and feel free and while again. I know it may take time, but you WILL get there. You deserve to feel like you can trust, and you deserve to feel like you can love again. Someday that day will come, it’s okay to take your time with it.
I’m just so proud of you. You are unlike anyone else, and you’ve always been your own person. You are strong, beautiful, and kind. Keep your head up!
– Bekah Wong <33