Journal

(I think… canvas says 8 but I’m p sure its 7)

The IDI test is always interesting, I don’t think I ever saw my results when I took it in Fall quarter with Art. I was surprised to see that I received myself to be more accepting than I actually scored. I am very interested to know how they differentiate and determine that through the questions given. How can you record both the perceived and the actual orientation in the same test? It was super cool to see though. I have had very minimal experiences with other cultures purely because of a financial state not because of lack of interest. I have not been able to interact with many other cultures, so most of my answers were based on how I think I would act in the given scenarios. I’d Like to take the test again after having traveled and actually practice what I think I would do.

On Monday during the debrief, enjoyed the presentation of the giving tree, I thought that was a cool way to show equity and equality. Though I am still unsure how it directly relates to the E&I program or why we did it in the entrepreneurship class. But it was cool to see nonetheless.

E4 Shift and Share:

I loved how the three ladies combined their projects. Very neat! It was fun taking notes with mind mapping but it got a little too messy and all over the place for my liking.

I am a visual learner. Powerpoints or demonstrations make my brain happy.

I don’t use a method for time management. I go on a day-by-day basis. What works for me is a whiteboard in my room with the tasks I need/want to get done that day. my day changes so much when it comes to mood, energy level, and amount of work. It is hard to have a set schedule to stick to every day. I like the system I have now.

I am currently trying to establish a consistent morning routine but that needs to start with a consistent wake-up time. I really like staying up late way too much. I feel so creative in the evening when people are asleep and it’s dark outside and I can just watch tv or listen to a podcast and paint for hours. Art is my happy place for sure so I like to do that whenever I can, and usually, that is at night after all my work has been completed. My school schedule doesn’t help much because every day is a different start time, or one day has more classes and work than the day after. I am not entirely sure how I will nail all this down but I’m sure I will figure it out. I am also trying to meditate daily which can be really hard for me with anxiety. My anxiety makes me want to get all my stuff done right away so I am not anxious anymore but then after that, I am so drained. I’d like to meditate in the mornings but it’s a nasty cycle of being tired or anxious about the day ahead. It is getting better though, the nice weather is helping and so are the longer days for sure. I am also signing up for yoga classes too which I am excited about because I will have a class to hold me accountable and I will learn some good flows and salutations to do on my own. I am also trying to reach out to my loved ones on daily basis to tell them I love them and I am thinking about them. My friends deserve all the love and blessings in the world. Lot’s to do and I am excited I am feeling inspired and energetic again. I was in a slump for too long.

I think I feel impostorism too often with the anxiety I experience. I talk to my therapist about it and she reminds me most of the thoughts I have aren’t my fault and it is really just the disorder talking, not me. which is helpful to remember. anxiety is an uphill battle but I am getting a lot stronger and tougher because of it. It has definitely been hard but I wouldn’t change it at all. I think I have learned a lot about emotions and how to express them and handle them in healthy ways and that is a very valuable skill in my opinion. Impostorism is a dangerous trap. No one deserves to feel lesser than they are!

{Sorry for all the anxiety talk. I have decided that hiding it from people is useless and being open about it helps me feel in control and empowered. It’s not some dirty secret, it is a large part of my life and daily struggle but I love who I have become because of it! }

Something extra: These are all three of my roommate’s cats on the three piles of stuff on my bed depicted in a blurry photo. I would love to know why cats lay on objects when there is so much bed available.

Hope everyone had a good weekend! 🙂 <3