Sadness. Love. Desperation. These were all just words to me as a kid. I didn’t really understand the meaning behind them or how powerful they could be until later in life. As a kid I knew what happiness was. I could play in the sunshine on grassy fields but the real meaning of love and sorrow I knew nothing about. Not until I learned the art of poetry, reading and writing, would I understand my own feelings as well as others.
From the start of my life, I was always going to know what pain and sadness was like. My family life was unlike anything I’ve ever heard of. I was conceived when my mom cheated on her husband which eventually that relationship crumbled as well as hers with my real dad. I didn’t understand why I missed them when I was young, but I knew that other kids had their real fathers in their lives, and I didn’t. At the age of seven, my last real connection to a blood parent collapsed when my mom passed away. Thankfully, her boyfriend stepped up to take care of me and from that moment on we were best friends. I remember many nights crying myself to sleep as I was so scared of death and my emotions on it. In fourth grade, my teacher, Mrs. Halverson, taught us about poetry. I remember loving how the words could paint such a beautiful picture even though you could use so few of them. At this age I wasn’t fully able to appreciate poetry to its full potential, but it was the start for me.
As I learned about poetry, it made me more impressed and obsessed with music. My sister would burn me a CD for every holiday and that was my favorite present from then on. Once I got my iPod that’s where all the little money I had went to. I was always wanting to listen to music and to get new music. Even as my music taste changed, I still kept an appreciation of all music but specifically lyrically inclined music. I even went on to play multiple instruments in middle and high school because of my love for music.
As high school came around, I learned that I had depression. It felt hard for people to understand me and how I felt. I felt this way especially because my friends all seemingly had perfect families and lives. My sophomore year is when I really got into poetry. I wrote about my heartbreak and pain throughout my life. I also started receiving a collection of poetry books for various holidays. It still amazes me how someone can perfectly capture my emotions that I struggle to put into words, on one page. I now have so many poetry books that I haven’t even been able to get through them. Poetry has helped me understand my own emotions on things such as heartbreak, desperation, and empowerment. The poetry book I bring everywhere is Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss. This book inspires me and settles me every time I read it.
As well as helping me through pain and heartbreak poetry helped me to become more confident in myself physically and mentally. I have always felt like I wasn’t the smartest out of my friends but seeing that people could read my work and like it made me feel smarter and more capable than I ever had before. I had really negative body image as I was very overweight as a kid. Writings by poets such as Lovelace and Kaur made me learn to love and care for my body and all it did over what it looked like. This brought me more confidence and feminine empowerment as I started to realize that I didn’t need to look like everyone else. I was finally enough for me.
Poetry has become such a part of my life that it has transcended my real life to my social media life. I made an anonymous social media account that I now post my poetry as well as other poetry that inspires me, on. Right now, mostly just close friends and other poetry accounts follow it but maybe eventually I will go on to write my own poetry book that will hopefully help another lost girl.
For all the reasons I have listed Mrs. Halverson is my literacy sponsor. If she hadn’t first introduced poetry to me at that time in my life, I may have never felt the connection I did to it. Without her my poetry literacy would not be where it is. More than that my mental wellbeing would be even worse. For this I am so grateful for her and what she brought to my life even if she doesn’t remember me or think that she had that much of an impact on me, I will always remember what she did for me.