Since arriving in Utrecht, I’ve noticed a significant amount of attention, far more than I had initially anticipated. This heightened visibility has been a concern of mine, especially given my stutter and mild cerebral palsy, which make me walk and talk a bit differently. As a young woman, it has been somewhat overwhelming. In response to the influx of attention and to regain my equilibrium, I decided to take a slow week, reducing my outings for a couple of days.

However, even during a casual mid-afternoon walk to a family friend’s house, I found myself being stopped three times by strangers. This kind of interaction has become a recurring theme, whether it’s people on the street, individuals I’m interviewing for my project, friends, or even those I had hoped would serve as valuable mentors—all of them somehow veering towards romantic advances. Alternatively, there are instances when I go unnoticed entirely, even when I’m open to a simple, pleasant conversation. This week, I found myself taking a break and only scheduling one interview at SPAT. Balancing these extremes has proven to be quite challenging.

My initial decision to come to Europe was partially based on the belief that it would be beneficial for my project, and I might blend in more easily, thereby reducing the attention I’d attract compared to a country where I’d stand out even more. My distinctive way of speaking and moving already makes me stand out, but the added attention has left me feeling apprehensive. Meeting people here has proved to be quite the challenge. While people are generally friendly, they tend to have close-knit circles and typically only engage in conversation when approached. Establishing connections beyond mere pleasantries is exceedingly difficult unless there’s a romantic interest involved. Conversations with a girl from Dublin, someone from the UK, and locals all echoed the same sentiment.

This situation is somewhat surprising, considering how open and vibrant Utrecht is, with its charming canals, abundant restaurants, and people enjoying themselves late into the night. I had initially assumed it would be easy to integrate into the community. However, I quickly realized that resorting to methods like using Bumble Friends would be more effective in finding like-minded individuals.

Another challenge I faced was that while I was making connections, most of the people I met were somehow related to my project, and many of them were significantly older and often less stable. Due to safety concerns stemming from the attention I received during the day, going out to places like bars by myself seemed nearly impossible. Even when I found an older person whom I considered a good mentor and a tour guide, they would ask me uncomfortable questions whenever we hung out.

I recall a particular incident at the station where I was waiting for a friend for only 10 minutes, and a man approached me persistently, attempting to take me to “see the beautiful river” and exchanging numbers multiple times. It seemed that the only thing that could defuse such situations was when I was with someone else or walking towards them. Even a 15-minute walk back to my place after an interview resulted in uncomfortable advances.

Recently, I had a conversation with a local who mentioned that his friend, also an expat, had experienced similar frequent advances. While it was disheartening to hear, it was also reassuring to know that I wasn’t alone in this experience. It appears that people here currently see me as something to possess rather than someone with whom to share experiences.

When I traveled at a younger age, specifically at 15 or 16, this was the majority of the attention I received, primarily from older men. Interestingly, as I got older and reached 18, this kind of attention diminished significantly. It wasn’t because I dressed differently; if anything, I felt more comfortable in my own skin and appeared more desirable. However, it seemed that the innocence and naivety of youth were what attracted some individuals. I even noticed that when I wore some of my older clothes, I would attract significantly more attention than expected.

Here in Utrecht and the Netherlands, it seems to be the opposite. People tend to gravitate towards older women rather than younger ones, which is a bittersweet feeling. It’s a dynamic I didn’t expect to encounter as frequently, given that I am in Europe and blend in more easily. It felt like a preferable alternative, but I may need to accept that due to my differences, gender, or some other factor, this kind of attention is likely to persist. When I discussed this with a family friend, he suggested that it might not change, but I would like to find a middle ground and create an environment that feels less overwhelming. I am heading to Germany today and will be back in Utrecht at the beginning of November, so I’ll see where this journey leads me.