Content statement: this interview contains themes of physical violence

“Im not a saint but im not a criminal as well. I was 17, homeless for 30 years, when I left my parents home. The reason was, my father was an alcoholic and he used to beat me up every time when he was drunk. And I got used to after 10 years, getting beaten. You dont feel it anymore, but the trigger, why I left my parents home was because he hit my mother so hard, she ended up in the hospital. So I decided to be homeless. I took a bag of clothes and that’s it. No job, no social money from the government and I had really nothing. So that’s how it started, and after 3 years, I had my own apartment and I still have it.” I then asked him how was able to recieve it as in Utrecht specifically, there is an enoumous housing shortage.

‘I was lucky. When you want to rent a house on the regular way you’ll have to wait 10 to 15 years. you have to stay in the city where you have asked for an apartment. You have to go to the house corporation, wait and [have] patience, but when you’re homeless, you don’t have that time. so I [got] help from housing first, and housing for us is especially for people that are long-term homeless like me. I was homeless for like 30 years. If you meet those people, you have to wait like three months, and you get an apartment”.

I described how I studied housing first ovef the course of 6 months, Thinking it was the solution, but heard through many interviews the dangers it creates if you have certain addictions as well. That was when I decided to do personal and organizational interviews instead of just following research methods.

“ I had to come, and I was really addicted to a lot of substances as well. But I’m clean now because I have a girlfriend and kenya and of course my apartment keeps myself clean because I have my rest place now. I can put my stuff there without being afraid that it’s getting stolen. I have my rest. When I want to go to bed, I can just go to bed. It’s much different than the time that I was homeless. I have more than just unrest in my life, so I don’t need the drugs anymore. 

I clarified if it’s because he had the support, and he agreed. “But when I was homeless, it  [kept] me standing up. It was a difficult time, and drugs could kill all the stress.”

I brought up Enik Recovery College, and why I want to study addiction as part of my grant because of the commonality and afforadbility in the states.

“Most of the homeless people are addicted, but it doesn’t say that all homeless people are addicted. there are still exceptions.”

I tried to ask him more of what it was like was on the streets, and how it has changed from his perception. I could sense deep reluctance, and decided not to push further. As similar to Seattle, I noticed that it would take a stronger relationship to develop the trust for him to share his story. Is that tends to happen in general I have noticed.

‘ First of all, this country is better than any other country in the world. Because this country takes care of the homeless people especially this city. When you go to a Amsterdam, you will see that it’s not like here. Being in Amsterdam, I can understand what he’s talking about. The smell, the distance, just the structure is much less integrated. There are more homeless people in Amsterdam and they don’t have enough places for them, that’s the point. Here, it’s enough everybody can have a bed in the night. And the government helps those people. If you are homeless., you get money from the government.. that’s the best because any other country, we don’t have that.’

I brought up the similarities of welfare, and Social Security, but the difficulty that I’ve noticed is qualifying and actually.

“ the thing is, you cannot blame somebody for being homeless, it can even happened to you.—

Content statement: This article contains themes of loss and sexual violence

When I walked into a quiet room in Jacobikerk to condut the interview, I saw these jars sitting on the table, filled with affirmations. “You can take one home”, she said. And I did, looking at one everyday.

At the beginning of the interview, she was apologetic for her english grammar, which I have never been phased by.“I’m a little tired because one week ago, I had the funeral [for the] father of my ex husband, Friday I [had] the funeral [for] the sister of  father of my exhusband and the week earlier on thursday the funeral of Laslo, three funerals two weeks time. Yesterday I wrote my poetry.

With my feelings, I write poetry, the feeling of your body you can write on paper. Yesterday we had a poetry day here in Utrecht and I was the third in the top of three. I’m in the second one, and the first one, the big prize had my name but it was a different person. 

I asked her if she was willing to explain her background, how she grew up, her process and where she is now, but because of how her youth was, she said she was not comfortable, so we quickly moved on.  “My youth has many troubles, I live[d] with a group, with other youth. My background: I’m Bea, I’m 45 years old, I have lived here [for] 2 years in Nieuwegein. Before, I lived in Utrecht for 8 years and the Thomas and campus way.  From 2009 to 2013/14 I was homeless because my divorce was hard and difficult. I was homeless [from] sleeping place to sleeping place and I was scared [of] people, everyday crying and calling the police [for] attention. On the street for a lady [it] is hard because most [men are]touching you, raping, and police, they do nothing. That was hard for me because I am going to the hospital asking for help because I was raped many times. I think, two to three times per week, and that [was] almost 6 years long.” She mentioned how there were many days she was left unable to eat”. In 2013, I [had] a crisis place in Woerden. My crisis place was 3 months, and they said ‘you can stay longer, then we can find another place for you’. In 2013 at the end of the year, I [was] going to Waterstraat here on the corner and… I stay for 2 months.. Most of the time, [it] was [just] myself, and on Monday, Tuesday you have floor dishes. In 2014, 5th [of] january, I [could] stay for [a] long time in Guystraat and I lived for 1.5 years; with many things to learn. I ha[d]no trust in people, I was scared, [ran] away, troubles with my medications, trouble with people on the street. ‘You have a room, we have no room’ and you can stay there, we stay on street’. After 6 months I have an appointment to talk with psychiatric, get translation.—

They said ‘you can try to be another Bea, you can do this. You are a strong woman.We give you one week to try,’ and in one week, I had two appointments in the psychiatric hospital—-translation— for homeless people and people who have a room, homeless and home people. After one week[where I spent] most of the time speak[ing], I go to a daycare center,[where] I make tea, make the toilets clean, we go into a botsch and we go see biographic plants. After a week, the police came back with the psychiatrist assistants and, after one year and 6 months I have my own place.. for me alone; through [the] mental healthcare organization De kea. It was difficult for me because I was there the whole time alone. After 6 months [I went ] to the church, and activities:walking, [cycling], church administration. After 6 years I’m going to my second apartment, where I live now  in nuiewehein. This place is for myself. Sometimes if I have troubles I call my mother”. 

“But this is the first place you have for yourself, not provided for you”

“Yes.”

I asked her what she does for a job and funding to help support her, ” The Haus of Army (Salvation Army),  I’m a volunteer here at( Jacobikerk) and I’m doing a lot for homeless people and churches. You have here in utrecht a silence center, and i’m an ambassador. Most of the time I’m everywhere and in the church. Tuesday i’m free on that day, [the] of the week I work, self employed. A lot of what I do for the homeless poeple [is with] my own money. I don’t have a lot, but what I can, I do.