Content statement: This article contains themes of loss and sexual violence. Names have also been changed for the purposes of this interview.
“They said ‘you can try to be another Bea, you can do this. You are a strong woman.”
I had first met Bea at Jacobikerk, also known as Saint James’ Church, during one of their Monday morning gatherings. From 9 to 11 a.m., the church offers free bread and tea, creating a warm space for people to connect, especially those having faced difficult circumstances. After weeks of brief encounters I returned, noticing Bea at other community events throughout Utrecht as well. That following day, she finally found the time to sit down and talk with me.
As we walked into a quiet room to conduct the interview, I noticed a few mason jars sitting on the table filled with little slips of paper. She mentioned they were affirmations that people could bring home during difficult times. “You can take one home”, she said. And so I did, with one currently sitting on my nightstand as a memento.
At the beginning of the interview, she was deeply apologetic for her English grammar, which never seemed to phase me. “I’m a little tired because one week ago, I had the funeral [for the] father of my ex husband, Friday I [had] the funeral [for] the sister of father of my ex-husband; and the week earlier on Thursday the funeral of Laslo. Three funerals two weeks time. Yesterday I wrote my poetry.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “With my feelings, I write poetry. The feeling of your body you can write on paper. Yesterday we had a poetry day here in Utrecht and I was the third in the top of three. I’m in the second one, and the first one, the big prize, had my name but it was a different person” she laughed.
“My youth has many troubles, I live[d] with a group.” Because of how difficult her childhood was, she did not feel comfortable divulging more details of her background, so we quickly moved on. “I’m Bea, I’m 45 years old, I have lived here [for] 2 years in Nieuwegein. Before, I lived in Utrecht for 8 years. From 2009 to 2013/14 I [became] homeless because my divorce was hard and difficult. I was homeless [from] sleeping place to sleeping place and I was scared [of] people. Everyday I was crying and calling the police [for] attention. On the street for a lady [it] is hard because most [men are]touching you, raping, and police, they do nothing. That was hard for me because I am going to the hospital asking for help because I was raped many times. I think, two to three times per week, and that [was] almost 6 years long.” She mentioned how there were many days she was left unable to eat.
“In 2013, I [had] a crisis place in Worden. My crisis place was 3 months, and they said ‘you can stay longer, then we can find another place for you’. In 2013 at the end of the year, I [was] going to Waterstraat here on the corner and… I stay for 2 months.. Most of the time, [it] was [just] myself. [By] Monday, Tuesday you [begin to] have floor dishes. In 2014, 5th [of] January, I [could] stay for [a] long time in Guystraat and I lived for 1.5 years; with many things to learn. I ha[d] no trust in people. I was scared, [and I ran] away. [There were] troubles with my medications, trouble with people on the street. ‘You have a room, we have no room’ and you can stay there, we stay on street’. After 6 months I have an appointment to talk with psychiatri[st].”
“They said ‘you can try to be another Bea, you can do this. You are a strong woman. We give you one week to try,’. And in one week, I had two appointments in the psychiatric hospital for homeless people and people who [need] a room. After one week[where I spent] most of the time speak[ing], I went to a daycare center,[where] I make tea, make the toilets clean. [Then] we go into a Botsch and we go see biographic plants. After a week, the police came back with the psychiatrist assistants and, after one year and 6 months I have my own place.. for me alone; through [the] mental healthcare organization De kea. It was difficult for me because I was there the whole time alone. After 6 months [I went ] to the church, and [started doing] activities: walking, [cycling], and church administration. After 6 years I’m going to my second apartment, where I live now in Nuiewehein. This place is for myself”. She said, elated. I asked her what she does now if she needs support. She said how there are many different services around for homeless people like Jacobikerk. “Sometimes if I have troubles I call my mother”.
“But this is the first place you have for yourself, not provided for you” I clarified.
“Yes.”
I echoed what an amazing achievement that is, and asked what she is able to do for financial means, whether it be a job or social welfare program. ” The Haus of Army (Salvation Army), I’m a volunteer here at( Jacobikerk) and I’m doing a lot for homeless people and churches. You have here in Utrecht, a silence center, and I’m an ambassador. Most of the time I’m everywhere and in the church. Tuesday I’m free, [the rest] of the week I work, self employed. A lot of what I do for the homeless people [is with] my own money. I don’t have a lot, but what I can, I do”.
