In my latest self-portrait, I find myself encircled by a bouquet of flowers, with their delicate stems intricately binding my hands. This piece marks my return to self-portraiture after a hiatus, aiming for a lifelike portrayal that captures not just my appearance but the emotions within.
The flowers enveloping me symbolize growth, the vibrancy of life, and renewal. Yet, the way they intricately tie around my hands also mirrors the constraints and challenges that coincide with personal development, drawing a parallel to my journey through disability and injury.
Nephew portrait
My recent drawing is a portrait of my newborn nephew. In this piece, I focused on conveying a beautiful gesture in the hopes of fostering reconciliation. The artwork serves as a tangible offering, expressing the beauty that can emerge from the pursuit of reconnection and the healing power of family ties.
Finding Balance
This artwork focuses on the difficulty maintaining proper balance in a field so physically and mentally demanding.
Content statement: Names have been changed for the purpose of this interview
During the time I was volunteering at the Gast House in Dortmund, I had the chance to sit down with a gentleman from Barcelona. The interview itself was a bit challenging due to the significant language barrier, but we managed partially.
He expressed a strong interest in plant restoration, and logistics, even mentioning possessing a DHL driver’s license. Logistics, in particular, he felt provided him with a strong sense of security,when considering job opportunities in different countries. Regarding his musical pursuits, he seemed uncertain about its success past or presently. While living on the street, this guitar was stolen, Impacting his ability to pursue music actively or generate extra income. He mentioned staying in a refugee camp, one with unitization in Unistraza.when I asked him how he felt about the resources available for refugees or individuals that were currently homeless, he says, that the support from various organizations ensured his basic needs were met, allowing him the freedom and luxury of contemplating future employment opportunities.
While pondering potential career paths, he considered teaching due to his passion for yoga. However, he expressed dissatisfaction with the New Age influence, leaning more towards karate and taquito. He mentioned that he could have pursued teaching in Spain, but he was deterred by the New Age associations within his existing contacts. He’s still looking for existing work opportunities and hopes he’s able to persue his passions in the meantime.
Content Statement: This article includes mentions of World War II, Natzism and Hitlers Regime, the September 11 attacks and Drug and Alcohol use.
For the week I was volunteering at the Gast House, the different shift workers would notify me if they saw someone they thought would be someone willing to participate in my project. Normally I had to give a thorough explanation on my project in order to ease the skepticism with some, but with Stewart, there was no need. With a huge grin ear to ear, he was excited to talk and we set up an appointment to speak the following days. I greatly appreciated Stewarts interview, because he not only does he describe his story, but his parents’ and how even through acquiring generational wealth, one can still end up in unfortunate circumstances.
His Parents Background:
“I’m now 60 years old. I was born a little bit away from here in a town called Barthropp. I got a twin brother and a little sister which is two years younger. My parents were.. they weren’t normal. Mother was born January 26[th] and father December 25[th]. In some way we got relief from war from [him being a] soldier and.. education to be a teacher. They got seemely a lot of scars from the war, and they changed their life. They met in the 50s, married in 58. They came from the same landscape, the so called yemelaun, which was in the east-est part of Germany near Lithuania and Russia and when hitler came.. and get it back and he was very popular. Most people who lived.. in the neighbor-land Coulixberg. They had problems the other neighboring states didn’t like them that much. It was a simple life, there were agricultural sights.”
To further guide the interview, I began asking questions about his parents background, and how that influenced his upbringing as well. “The way of my father was a soldier, a 16 year old boy, did the war and was in Leningrad.. Leningrad freed many peoples. My mother should have been educated to be a teacher in Russia when Germany had won the war. Quite interesting in the back look, I think they were Natzi’s. Not really Natzi’s, but they could have gained some, not fortune, but a better life; history showed it wasn’t so. Father got captured and I never told how long, I think or 3 years, not in prison but had to do labor. My mom got away to the eastern sea ships. At the beginning if the 50s, they took new horizons. My father was a farmer, he hadn’t learned any [skills] just soldier, he then started an education to work with finance. In the end, he did the financial things for.. an agency. Mother finished her education to be a teacher and in ‘51 she started.. in a little town in west Faille, near Hartford.”
“Hitler got spat, but all people had been pushed away after the war, which was necessary. They didn’t want them, they were displaced, and had to search for a new home. [This new home was found in a town of Caltrop, a neighbor-town of here. 17 km around, great town, great drinking. They married. Father worked here in Dortmund, an agency [building] traffic construction. Mother was at a little town, and educated children and in 58 they married. At that time, the father of my parents were still alive. And 58, the father of my mother died, then they took to Caltrop and there [they] settled, built a home. Caltrop was a small town 20,000-50,000 people only and don’t know how he got rich in the war. I’ve never experienced how they built a great house and [got] this”.
Stewarts Background
“I came from a rich family. My brother and me took career in grammar school, and gymnasium and sister and brother finished their studies. My sister is [now] a judge and my brother is an engineer. I don’t know if he’s still alive, [our] ways parted. My education was quite good but I never knew what I should achieve in life. Life seemed so endless and I just wanted to have fun. Things came easy to me, school, education. All work without hardship. And then I had a crisis at age 27. I did my army service, but I had no aim. I disliked society, some measurements and rules. I started a lot of drinking, smoking cannabis, crazy stuff…The way I did all the time, there was no aim, just running, collapsing with the wall.”
“I thought ‘I need to do something which is okay with society, which is in harmony with my corrector and gives me the position to exist in society’; and this was helping other people. I started education and did a special form of nursing, a house nurse and was the best time of my life. [I was] with the German Red Crossfor 12 years and at that time, started at about 1990-2001, 11 or 12 years when the twin tower thing happened.” *This is in reference to the September 11 attacks in 2001.* “That day our big chief from Red Cross said ‘red cross will stop working that way ‘but [we] shouldn’t be afraid. No one should lose [their] job.’ They managed a miracle. They sold three-hundred patients, thirty cars, eighteen male nurses and we went to Diapoli”.
“There I managed a good farm as well and then I got ill. I took drugs as well. It was no problem working but it was culminating and there was no good aim. I did my work and I did it well but I got health problems and so I lifted my hand and said ‘I need help’. I got therapy, but the way inside with the work I did, I didn’t like the church. The church paid okay but they didn’t help the people. I didn’t agree with the policy and so I stopped working in 2005. Father and mother lived in that time, and I got a lazy bone then and just helped my mother. My Father was in an asylum and both died. Father in 2008, mother in 2013 and then I got real problems. I didn’t take help from the state. I got a house.” I clarified how he was able to acquire housing. “From when the parents died they provided the house. So I was really lucky. I was good. “
“For taxes, sometimes you don’t give it away by testimony, you present if the parents are alive with time, so you don’t get problems with taxes. I did so and paid my sister and my brother money I should’ve given them later. When my mother died, I got a problems with my finances. Two years later, I didn’t get get a fee from the state and I had no money. Part of the house [he rented out], but they didn’t pay the rent”.
“In 2019, my own home I lived in for 25 years, I was put out. Just at the time when I was pulled out on the street, my house could be sold, but everyone took lots of money, so I got no money. After the time of starving, I wasn’t able to act clearly. It’s like a child who’s got no sucker..**like a child who can’t think clearly because they have low blood sugar or are hungry**. “It should last, but it went away, the money. I spent it, it’s crazy. I think it’s okay, I’m 60 and I see a lot of poverty, and people with problems with their health. I realize there are things in life you can’t buy health or friendship or morale. In this surrounding, *he gestures to the people in the guest house dining room* „there are so many in intelligent good people as well as gangsters, and real bad devils, but its all our archived, as well as male or female. We all take the same breath, the same air. Everybody should be everybody’s brother or friend. And now I’m here where poor people are treated in a wonderful way and I like it. If I were 20 years younger and knew what I knew now, I would’ve possibly changed my life and taken a profession like helping people and enjoying—”. He stops, recollecting his thoughts.
I clarified to him that he do that, helping people through nursing. A little“ he says. “But in physics there is a law. You watch how much energy you put inside and how much you get out. And for the health I had the wealth, the money I had, the things I achieved. I don’t mean I have no family, but I should have, with respect to my parents, I should’ve achieved a little bit more. It’s, I’m not content. I’m looking and if I got the chance to..” he gets interrupted and changes his thought. ‘ lets say it that way, my life is a confused, and I don’t know why everything has happened, but I’m content. I try to live on in a way, but I should’ve achieved better‘. Now I got a small apartment, but it’s so difficult to pay money for electricity, I’m not used to it. I forget it.“
I referenced theprevious interview I conducted a few minutes before this about the doctor who grew up rich, but lost his passport and ended up in a similar situation. ”It’s crazy, I was well educated and I can read, but some kind of letters I push away without reading, it’s crazy”.
In my artwork, “self Reliance,” I explore the transformative journey of self-discovery and empowerment. This piece delves into the theme of shedding preconceived notions and expectations instilled in us and the process of learning to rely on our inner strength when external support is no longer available
The central image of a young girl holding what appears to be her mother’s hand is a symbol of the initial stages of life, where we rely heavily on external guidance, love, and support. Yet, the hand she holds belongs to her older self. This creative twist underscores the theme of evolving from a state of dependency to one of self-reliance even when the dependancy might not want to falter on either side.
Through this artwork, I invite the viewer to reflect on their own path towards self-reliance and personal growth. We all carry with us the weight of past beliefs and societal expectations, and the process of breaking free from them can be challenging. However, the image of the little girl and her older self serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration, encouraging us to embrace the wisdom within, foster self-reliance, and trust our inner compass.
‘Birthday Blues’
In my artwork, “Birthday Blues,” I wanted to encapsulate the feeling of “birthday blues.” This term captures the mixed feelings that often come with birthdays when our reality doesn’t quite match the expectations we had in mind. The piece features a cake placed inside a well-worn Converse shoe, symbolizing the transition from youth to adulthood and how this transformation can sometimes fall short of our youthful dreams.
The phrase “birthday blues” refers to the complex emotions that can arise as a birthday approaches or unfolds. It’s a time for self-reflection, where we reassess our lives and grapple with the gap between our youthful aspirations and the actual circumstances we find ourselves in. “Birthday Blues” visually embodies this concept, encouraging viewers to think about their own experiences and how their expectations have evolved as they’ve moved from adolescence to adulthood.
‘Reality of the expat’
In my artwork, you’ll find a woman shedding tears set against a backdrop of a tranquil waterfall scene. This image captures the mixed feelings of expatriates in the Netherlands, where the beautiful surroundings and warm culture can sometimes hide the fact that they often feel isolated and lonely.
The Dutch culture is known for its stunning landscapes and friendly people. However, for expats, it’s not always as idyllic as it seems. The woman’s tears represent the emotional challenges they face. The peaceful waterfall picture represents the beauty that draws expats to the Netherlands. The contrast between this serenity and the woman’s tears shows the emotional ups and downs of living abroad.
Isolation for expats is common because Dutch society can be insular. While the Dutch are welcoming, building deep connections can be hard, especially when language and cultural barriers are involved. Expats might feel captivated by the country’s external charm but struggle to make meaningful connections and feel like they belong.
This artwork encourages us to think about the emotional side of expat life. It’s a portrayal of the hidden challenges that expats go through, even in a beautiful country like the Netherlands. The woman’s loneliness shows the inner battles that many expats face, despite the welcoming atmosphere.
