The only thing I have in this world is my cat. I promised that I would take him to see the big one so he could say ‘good day‘ to the big one.“

Content Statement: This article contains themes of suicide

Sidenote: I wish I would have been able to take his portrait, but given he was Muslim,  it would not be possible. Many Muslims hold a belief that images, particularly photographs, can capture and potentially take a part of their soul. This belief stems from interpretations of Islamic teachings regarding the sanctity and integrity of the human soul. According to some interpretations, capturing an image through photography or other means can interfere with the soul's purity or invite spiritual harm. As a result, some individuals may avoid being photographed or may express discomfort with images being taken of them. That being said, even if his face does wear away without resemblance,I will never forget this conversation, and the trust he felt with me. 

While working at the Gast House, I encountered a fellow guest who was elated to share his story with me. To my surprise, he originated from Canada and had been stranded here for the past 3 to 5 years due to a lost passport, rendering him unable to prove his identity. Over the course of nearly two hours, we delved into his life journey, spanning from childhood through divorce, detailing his transition from a six-figure-earning doctor to living on the streets, and his current plans to stabilize his future.

At the onset of our interview, there was a bit of a struggle to find our footing. He informed me he would join me outside after finishing his meal. When he attempted to fetch a couple of chairs from the main dining room for our interview, he encountered resistance from the staff, who rebuked him despite his explanation that he was assisting me with a project. He recounted, “‘They screamed at me, ‘Bring the chair in now’. I said, ‘**** told me to bring it here. We’re doing something.’ I said bring it in the stool.” Eventually, we managed to locate a quiet spot, albeit it was raining. Due to the lack of coverage and space, we found ourselves taking shelter beside a garbage can. I felt deeply sympathetic towards him as he shared his story, realizing we were left with no better options.

“Does smoking bother you?” he inquired.

I responded, “No, it’s quite common in Europe.”

“Okay then, shall we begin? You better hold on tight to the chair,” he remarked, taking a deep breath.

Early Life
He began by recounting his familial background, stating, “My grandfather was a judge. My father was a lawyer. My mother was a nurse.I went all three routes. I studied nursing, first degree. My second degree, I took History and Modern Language. And my third is I’m a teacher for English, French and Spanish,” he explains, followed by a light-hearted remark, “Hi…Twelve years I sat at the university,” he jokes.”My mother is English, my father is French, So they gave [me] two languages,” he adds. “My dad took a job in Venezuela when I was in the 6th class, and I went to school in Venezuela from the 6th till the 11th class,” he elaborates, “Spanish was my third language.I was given six weeks’ instruction before I started school. And with my father, it doesn’t matter about the language. You come home with straight A’s or else.”

During our conversation, we briefly discussed the experience of having older parents. He shared an intriguing observation, stating, “They say either when the parents are well, the mother is too old, you get children with Down syndrome or extremely bright children with very high foreheads“, recounting he had one as well. “I can recite passages from literature that I read in the 9th class. Spanish, French, English. What language would you like it in?“He mentioned how people often mistake him for a native speaker in any language he speaks due to his ability to match the dialect and accent purely through listening. “The funny part was here, during the Coronavirus, we were across the street in a tent in this park, and I had five people lined up. I spoke to one in English, one in French, one in Spanish, one in Portuguese, one in Arabic, and then I spoke German at the end…Masri, shami, and  oncinha. Those are the three Arabic languages that I’m learning now. I’m leaving here to go to Egypt. I promised my cat that I would take him to see the big one so he could say good day to the big one.“

He also recounted his adventures, including getting banned from Las Vegas. “There are little casinos on every corner here. And I went in and played. I doubled my paycheck at least every month, doubled my bing bing bing bing. I just kept winning.”

Early Career

At the beginning of the interview, he explained the reasonings for his long educational journey. “I became a nurse. It was actually supposed to be in my premed studies. In my anatomy and physiology professor’s lecture I corrected in the university with 250 doctors and nursing students. It was dead silent. You could hear a needle drop. Then when I finished my degree, I thought, I really don’t want to be a doctor. I’d rather work as a nurse. And then there were so many opportunities available. Then I really didn’t need to finish my degree to become a doctor. I could work as a nurse and make very good money. And I did..Then I applied for a job and I was told, ‘you can’t have it because you’re a male. They want a female.‘ So I [flew] back to Venezuela in ‘86 or ‘87…I went and decided I’m not going back to Canada, and I traveled all over South America. Then I landed in Malaysia, Hong Kong, and then I met my ex wife, and she was East German, and we got married. We were supposed to go back to Canada, [but] a marriage involves two people, not three. So I just said, no, you can stay here. We were divorced“.

I clarified it was because she wanted to involve another person, to his reply “No, she already did. I found out from my divorce attorney that I was husband number eight. Oh, yeah. Not nice. I thought I was husband number three. That was bad enough. But when he said, ‚no, you’re husband number eight‘. I looked at him and I said, Are you serious? He said yes. He said she’s a swindle.“ I asked if they were all legal marriages. „Oh, yeah. She was married several times in the former East Germany. So we wound up divorced. We landed in Hala Andersala. I worked in Bautzen. I taught English teachers for the German school system. So then once we were divorced, I left because the market fell apart.“

Marriage Life 

„We came to Germany. We had a second honeymoon and we went to Poland.  I was on the boat trip from Amsterdam to a cheese farm. I had four job opportunities from people that were on the boat. Language companies send people on the weekends, see who’s here, who we can use. They just came. “What do you do?I’m a language teacher. I want you to work for me‘. Four jobs in 15 minutes. No paperwork[needed], nothing. My wife wouldn’t go. She needed a job, an occupation. She didn’t have one.She never bothered to learn anything…she had no education. I told her in Portuguese, you have exactly two years. The 26 October, I’m filing for a divorce.“

“And then she didn’t do anything?“

“Well, yeah, she did do something. She found husband number nine and was having an affair with him while I was running all over the countryside teaching. And the neighbors tried to tell me, but I couldn’t speak German at the time. She didn’t want to learn[a skill], because she was taking the money from our joint account. And she wasn’t paying anything.“ As soon as they got divorced and he wasnt providing for her, she got a job in a nursing home the next day. I‘m not a widow, sadly”.

Life After Divorce

After his job teaching languages went downhill because of the crash, he returned to nursing. “That worked out until I was the head of ICU. That was my area of expertise, and emergency,” he recalls. “I went in, it was Friday, the 13th of July 2012. I went into work and I went, ‘no, I don’t think I’m working today, but I had to go in‘“. At the end of his last day before he was shifted over, “I just went down on the ground. They called me from the ward and asked, ‘What are you doing laying on the floor?'”

“Get a doctor, I’m having a heart attack“. 

“What?“ the nurses said, stunned.

 “Yes. And that’s why I’m on the floor or on the ground. Get a doctor“.

“Ten minutes later I was on the operating table and they did a three way[ triple bypass]. I still have leg problems all the way down. And then they said, ‘we have bad news for you. You can’t work as a nurse anymore because no hospitals will take you because of heart issues. The risk from patient to nurse transmission of sickness is too high so you need to change jobs‘. I worked in what they call ginecologic legacy. I was a nurse on wheels. I went from house to house and dealt with patients. I didn’t have to lift the patients, did meds and injections. The doctor said, ‘okay, I’ll sign it. But he said you can’t do this for long. You will get caught, you will be fined.‘ But he said ‘I’ll write it‘ And I decided to re-educate myself to be a physiotherapist. That’s how I wound up here in Dortmund. While I was on the bus, my money, passport, everything was stolen. €5,000 was gone. And no, you can’t have a job because you don’t have a passport. But I did have a letter that said I have landed immigrant status. I can do anything I want except vote and bold public office. So I used it and I applied for my unemployment insurance. I should have gotten eight months. But they found out that the passport was gone. So they technically owe me for half a year that they will never pay“.

Family Relationships

“The only thing I have in this world is my cat. My entire family is dead. Brothers,sisters, aunts, uncles, parents, down to my great nephew committed suicide two years ago. There was a family problem. His mother is a half sister, or his grandmother was my half sister. The family didn’t work well. That was one of the reasons why I left. And I said, ‘I’m out of here‘.And I went back to South America. Then when I came back to Canada, everything was fine.

“I knew him as a little boy,” he recounts, describing his nephew. He continues, detailing how he believed it was good he passed, how he had saved him as a baby, but also expressing his sense of unfairness, feeling that his passing took away his life, his only living relative. He further adds, “And his mother also committed suicide. When my mother passed away, they closed the casket.” He shares that she had experienced abuse in the family from a young age, which he believes could explain the psychological problems within the family.

Process of Reattaining his Documents

“Okay, you don’t have to answer, but answer yourself. What was your mother’s occupation when you were born? Do you know this? Where did she live? Do you know the address?Who was the doctor that brought you into the world? How much did you weigh when you were born? And now find a Canadian doctor that knows you for three years and can write down, yes, this is who it is. I haven’t been in Canada for over 35 years. Nobody is in existence. My family doctor that I had died a year ago, January the third, and his son took over his practice. He retired when I was 18“. I asked if another doctor could access his records. ‘No‘ they said, ‘the doctor has to sign that they know you personally‘. And there was no doctor that knew me because I’ve been out of the country for 35 years.“

Thankfully he was able to reconnect with his girlfriend on facebook after many years. “I said, ‘Hi, how are you?‘ I used my new name.“

“Who are you and what do you want?“ she replied.

 “I said,‘ Anything I want from you, you would give me.‘“

“This conversation over. You can go“. 

 “Sweetie, it’s me.“ I said. 

“What?“

“Yeah, I took my ex wife’s name when we got married“.

“when are you coming home?”she said.

“I was 13 and spent the night at her house in bed with her, and her mother was okay with it. We’re more like brother and sister than girlfriend and boyfriend. The families are mixed like this, so it wasn’t a problem. Nothing went on anyway. I [had] hurt my foot rolling tires. We had to change the tires and put them in a different place in the ghost garage. And I just said ‘no, I’m not doing this. We can just roll the tires like this and let them roll in’.Well, it rolled into and it crunched my toenails along. I had to go to the doctor“. It was only after this one instance from years prior, he was able to receive his documents. 

Reattaining His Documents 

“If you can get legal guardianship, you can do anything. You can get the information in Canada. Hopefully you can get my passport quicker. She contacted the government in Canada. They said he’s already applied. He has to wait. ‘There’s nothing we can do’ they said. ‘He has to wait‘. She called upstairs and said ‘he’s telling you the truth‘. And then it was completely treated differently.“ 

So the previous doctor that had fixed his toe signed for the paper. “ I had all of the new paperwork, and then it was gone again. Everything was stolen from the hygiene center. I had my passport. I was ready to go. It was stolen again. It took five years to get it.And then I had it six months and its gone again. I’m sitting like this. I’m not allowed to work because I don’t have papers. I’m not allowed to rent an apartment. I’m not allowed to do anything.“ I asked him how he’s getting by now as he;s waiting forhis documents. “putting money in another account. My hands are tied. I don’t have a choice. I need to live. I’m in a cellar, in a tent because they wouldn’t allow me to register in my apartment. So I had to leave. I actually had a life until one day I just went splat on the street. You can see from my family background, there was no problem with money. There was money for everything and anything. Yeah, try going from everything to nothing“. By now he has received his new documents, passport and and is on his way out of Germany. 

“I’m here until the papers come. Then I want to go to Holland(for thelanguage teaching job) and then from Holland to Egypt. Africa is my last continent, I lived on every continent up to and I wanted to teach in Morocco.“

Content statement: Names have been changed for the purpose of this interview

During the time I was volunteering at the Gast House in Dortmund, I had the chance to sit down with a gentleman from Barcelona. The interview itself was a bit challenging due to the significant language barrier, but we managed partially.

He expressed a strong interest in plant restoration, and logistics, even mentioning possessing a DHL driver’s license. Logistics, in particular, he felt provided him with a strong sense of security,when considering job opportunities in different countries. Regarding his musical pursuits, he seemed uncertain about its success past or presently. While living on the street, this guitar was stolen, Impacting his ability to pursue music actively or generate extra income. He mentioned staying in a refugee camp, one with unitization in Unistraza.when I asked him how he felt about the resources available for refugees or individuals that were currently homeless, he says, that the support from various organizations ensured his basic needs were met, allowing him the freedom and luxury of contemplating future employment opportunities.

While pondering potential career paths, he considered teaching due to his passion for yoga. However, he expressed dissatisfaction with the New Age influence, leaning more towards karate and taquito. He mentioned that he could have pursued teaching in Spain, but he was deterred by the New Age associations within his existing contacts. He’s still looking for existing work opportunities and hopes he’s able to persue his passions in the meantime.

Content Statement: This article includes mentions of World War II, Natzism and Hitlers Regime, the September 11 attacks and Drug and Alcohol use. 

For the week I was volunteering at the Gast House, the different shift workers would notify me if they saw someone they thought would be someone willing to participate in my project. Normally I had to give a thorough explanation on my project in order to ease the skepticism with some, but with Stewart, there was no need. With a huge grin ear to ear, he was excited to talk and we set up an appointment to speak the following days. I greatly appreciated Stewarts interview, because he not only does he describe his story, but his parents’ and how even through acquiring generational wealth, one can still end up in unfortunate circumstances.

His Parents Background:

“I’m now 60 years old. I was born a little bit away from here in a town called Barthropp. I got a twin brother and a little sister which is two years younger. My parents were.. they weren’t normal. Mother was born January 26[th] and father December 25[th]. In some way we got relief from war from [him being a] soldier and.. education to be a teacher. They got seemely a lot of scars from the war, and they changed their life. They met in the 50s, married in 58. They came from the same landscape, the so called yemelaun, which was in the east-est part of Germany near Lithuania and Russia and when hitler came..  and get it back and he was very popular. Most people who lived.. in the neighbor-land Coulixberg. They had problems the other neighboring states didn’t like them that much. It was a simple life, there were agricultural sights.”

To further guide the interview, I began asking questions about his parents background, and how that influenced his upbringing as well. “The way of my father was a soldier, a 16 year old boy, did the war and was in Leningrad.. Leningrad freed many peoples. My mother should have been educated to be a teacher in Russia when Germany had won the war. Quite interesting in the back look, I think they were Natzi’s. Not really Natzi’s, but they could have gained some, not fortune, but a better life; history showed it wasn’t so. Father got captured and I never told how long, I think or 3 years, not in prison but had to do labor. My mom got away to the eastern sea ships. At the beginning if the 50s, they took new horizons. My father was a farmer, he hadn’t learned any [skills] just soldier, he then started an education to work with finance. In the end, he did the financial things for.. an agency. Mother finished her education to be a teacher and in ‘51 she started.. in a little town in west Faille, near Hartford.”

“Hitler got spat, but all people had been pushed away after the war, which was necessary. They didn’t want them, they were displaced, and had to search for a new home. [This new home was found in a town of Caltrop,  a neighbor-town of here. 17 km around, great town, great drinking. They married. Father worked here in Dortmund, an agency [building] traffic construction. Mother was at a little town, and educated children and in 58 they married. At that time, the father of my parents were still alive. And 58, the father of my mother died, then they took to Caltrop and there [they] settled, built a home. Caltrop was a small town 20,000-50,000 people only and don’t know how he got rich in the war. I’ve never experienced how they built a great house and [got] this”.  

Stewarts Background

“I came from a rich family. My brother and me took career in grammar school, and gymnasium and sister and brother finished their studies. My sister is [now] a judge and my brother is an engineer. I don’t know if he’s still alive, [our] ways parted. My education was quite good but I never knew what I should achieve in life. Life seemed so endless and I just wanted to have fun. Things came easy to me, school, education. All work without hardship. And then I had a crisis at age 27. I did my army service, but I had no aim. I disliked society, some measurements and rules. I started a lot of drinking, smoking cannabis, crazy stuff…The way I did all the time, there was no aim, just running, collapsing with the wall.”

“I thought ‘I need to do something which is okay with society, which is in harmony with my corrector and gives me the position to exist in society’; and this was helping other people. I started education and did a special form of nursing, a house nurse and was the best time of my life. [I was] with the German Red Cross for 12 years and at that time, started at about 1990-2001, 11 or 12 years when the twin tower thing happened.” *This is in reference to the September 11 attacks in 2001.* “That day our big chief from Red Cross said ‘red cross will stop working that way ‘but [we] shouldn’t be afraid. No one should lose [their] job.’ They managed a miracle. They sold three-hundred patients, thirty cars, eighteen male nurses and we went to Diapoli”.

“There I managed a good farm as well and then I got ill. I took drugs as well. It was no problem working but it was culminating and there was no good aim. I did my work and I did it well but I got health problems and so I lifted my hand and said ‘I need help’. I got therapy, but the way inside with the work I did, I didn’t like the church. The church paid okay but they didn’t help the people. I didn’t agree with the policy and so I stopped working in 2005. Father and mother lived in that time, and I got a lazy bone then and just helped my mother. My Father was in an asylum and both died. Father in 2008, mother in 2013 and then I got real problems. I didn’t take help from the state. I got a house.” I clarified how he was able to acquire housing. “From when the parents died they provided the house. So I was really lucky. I was good. “

“For taxes, sometimes you don’t give it away by testimony, you present if the parents are alive with time, so you don’t get problems with taxes. I did so and paid my sister and my brother money I should’ve given them later. When my mother died, I got a problems with my finances. Two years later, I didn’t get get a fee from the state and I had no money. Part of the house [he rented out], but they didn’t pay the rent”. 

“In 2019, my own home I lived in for 25 years, I was put out. Just at the time when I was pulled out on the street, my house could be sold, but everyone took lots of money, so I got no money. After the time of starving, I wasn’t able to act clearly. It’s like a child who’s got no sucker..**like a child who can’t think clearly because they have low blood sugar or are hungry**. “It should last, but it went away, the money. I spent it, it’s crazy. I think it’s okay, I’m 60 and I see a lot of poverty, and people with problems with their health. I realize there are things in life you can’t buy health or friendship or morale. In this surrounding, *he gestures to the people in the guest house dining room* „there are so many in intelligent good people as well as gangsters, and real bad devils, but its all our archived, as well as male or female. We all take the same breath, the same air. Everybody should be everybody’s brother or friend. And now I’m here where poor people are treated in a wonderful way and I like it. If I were 20 years younger and knew what I knew now, I would’ve possibly changed my life and taken a profession like helping people and enjoying—”. He stops, recollecting his thoughts.

I clarified to him that he do that, helping people through nursing. A little“ he says. “But in physics there is a law. You watch how much energy you put inside and how much you get out. And for the health I had the wealth, the money I had, the things I achieved. I don’t mean I have no family, but I should have, with respect to my parents, I should’ve achieved a little bit more. It’s, I’m not content. I’m looking and if I got the chance to..” he gets interrupted and changes his thought. ‘ lets say it that way, my life is a confused, and I don’t know why everything has happened, but I’m content. I try to live on in a way, but I should’ve achieved better‘. Now I got a small apartment, but it’s so difficult to pay money for electricity, I’m not used to it. I forget it.“

I referenced the previous interview I conducted a few minutes before this about the doctor who grew up rich, but lost his passport and ended up in a similar situation. ”It’s crazy, I was well educated and I can read, but some kind of letters I push away without reading, it’s crazy”.