Currently, being in Scotland is probably the best part of my trip. Although I’m beginning to see the effects of the stress that the trip is taking on me. For once, at least for a little bit, I feel like I can finally relax. The community is there, the safety, at least a general sense, the art, the music, the trust. For the first time since starting uni, I can actually picture a life here, a future outside of academia and anything familiar, and I’m excited for it.

The main issue I have has been getting in touch with organizations, but in terms of the one that I’m in touch with, the Lodging House Mission, I feel fully accepted, and everyone is happy to have me there. The ones that were reluctant to talk with me are now fully telling me their stories. I get handshakes and smiles whenever I enter from staff and from the people, wishing you a new year and wondering when I’ll be back. I learned what the organization provides through different surrounding churches, and how much Scotland truly protects the identity of the people struggling with these issues.

And in some ways, it’s a detriment to my project because I can’t capture the portraits, and I might even forget their faces, which I would not want to do. It’s also through this, I understand how important it is for some people to feel that space for themselves; like I mentioned in my project statement. I won’t always be able to get exactly what I want for my project, and that’s also part of the experience. If this was set up as a normal grant, I might have a lot more luck with getting in contact with organizations to different parties, they would definitely have possible further connections, but I truly understand the difficulty of showing someone the value of your project, even more difficult when there is little to offer them at least in the short term.

Maybe if I had help this would be significantly easier, but I’m using the most with what I have with the freedom of what I have, and that’s all I can really do. I have noticed that I’ve developed gray hairs in the last couple of months. I dye my hair periodically so it’s not like the roots don’t show, enough for me to notice, but finally starting to see how much stress affects me with how anxious I’ve been, and even continuing, as I’m in better spaces.

Even if it’s just the case, coming back might be very difficult, I’m really feeling confident in my decisions and myself happy to be in the space where I am. I always thought when people said that troubles showed you who you are, it was really cheesy, but at least solo travel for me has been life-changing.