I’m a generally very introspective person and a byproduct of that is being in an ongoing project to composite the best parts of me in hopes of lessening the less savory aspects. This was always a pretty big part of me but recent events that led me to a “phoenix moment” of rebuilding myself have made it even more of a conscious effort.

I also just have a weird relationship with my name, my full name is a bit of a mouthful and throughout most of my life I told people they can call me whatever they want when asked and that resulted in “John” most of the time. It’s not a name I really ever identified with and that began to cause dissonance towards the end of high school, but Johnny was a name I chose for myself in a roundabout way most of my close friends called me. When I started college I used it as an opportunity to say the name I identified with when asked. I would say I identify with my full name the most out of any option and almost all of my family calls me by it, but I always felt it was weird to say I preferred people call me by it if asked.