I got 99 problems but Culture Shock Ain’t One

I’ll admit right off the bat that half of the title is click-bait. I don’t actually have 99 problems. I do have some though. I have a feeling that so far my depiction of my travels in Portugal has been rather Utopian, as I have been portraying the many positives of my travels so far. Don’t get me wrong! Almost everything has gone smoothly so far. Key word: ALMOST. After three weeks of living in a new place, problems are bound to come up. No one’s life is that charmed. Not even me. Read on for a list of 5 problems, and how I have dealt with them, from least to most severe. (DISCLAIMER: None of them are that severe)

Problem 5: Ice Cold

It is to be expected that some of the luxuries that you are used to at home are not going to exist when you travel. For example, our apartment does not come equipped with a clothes dryer. The power of the sun goes a long way. But, it is the washing machine we do have that caused this problem. See, our washing machine is very greedy. It has a pact with our hot water heater that it would be the only thing in the apartment to get hot water. The drawbacks? Six unhappy flat mates who can’t even take a lukewarm shower. I’ll admit, this problem isn’t the most significant. I was able to take cold showers for a few days. But, having to continue to do so would have done me no good, especially as it gets colder, and especially when problem number 2 happened. It happened the first time right before I went to the Azores, resulting in me jokingly saying at the time that I was traveling “just to get hot water.” Of course, even with dire threats to the water heater from the six of us, the washing machine had the last laugh, and we lost warm water again. We were subjected to taking showers in the downstairs apartment, which had plenty of water to share. Go figure. Of course, we don’t actually have proof that it is the washing machine stealing our source of heat and happiness. It’s sneaky that way. Fingers crossed it won’t happen again, but I’m highly doubting that. Note: It happened again as I was writing this post. Devious machine…

Problem 4: Look! A Tourist! Time to scam him!

I was quite exhausted when I finally walked through customs into Portugal. I had just got off a three hour flight, which had followed a 6 hour layover, which had followed an 8 hour flight that was delayed by 1 hour. I was ready to get to my hostel for the night as soon as I possibly could. So, I queued for a taxi, got on, and gave the driver the address. You can probably see where this is going. SCAM! I noticed the driver ignore his GPS and make a turn that seemed to add distance to the route. That should have been my warning sign. I made it to the hostel. The driver shoved a piece of paper in my face, pointed at something vaguely and indistinguishably, and said “25 euros.” Now, I had no clue how much the going rate was for a taxi. So, naturally, I did the only thing I could think of: Get scammed. The hostel manager informed me I should have only paid 10 euros max. I was helpless in the moment. Now, I have a vendetta to avoid taxis at all cost. It’s quite easy with Uber. Portugal recently legalized Uber (it had been illegal due to the potential threats it could cause to the taxi industry; take that scamming taxi drivers!) which allowed me to the get to the airport for my flight to the Azores for 6 euros. Much cheaper. No possibility of scams. Safer too. No more taxis for me!

Problem 3: A Camel in the Eye of a Needle

I’m a big guy. I’m 191 centimeters (6 ft 3 for you Americans), and also am pretty clumsy to boot. I need a lot of space, or else I’m going to hit my head (which is luckily made of concrete) or some other appendage. So, naturally, my shower is so small I can barely turn around in it. I am lucky enough to have my bathroom attached to my room (it was going to happen, I am living with 5 girls). However, when the shower is made for someone a foot shorter than me, things just aren’t swell. It’s comedic how this bathroom was designed in general. The roof slants above me, making so that I have to crouch well before I can even sit on the toilet (no more peeing standing up). My shoulders barely fit through the actual bathroom door, nevertheless the shower. Also, the shower head has a disturbing tendency to fall every time I turn off the water. I’ll need to wear a hardhat soon to avoid all the blows to my cranium I have been dealing with. But, I’m dealing with it. I know it could be so much worse, so I’m trying not to complain to much about it.

Problem 2: Fever Pitch

I think this is the the first of these problems that was actually truly problematic. During Tuesday of my first week of school (last week), I started feeling crummy during my Microeconomics class. My pulse was super fast, and I felt hot all over. Enter: Fever! Description: Over 100 degrees, with accompanying shivers, headaches, and weakness! I had a really jolly good time my first week of school because of this, so much so that I didn’t participate. I spent 5 days in the apartment, only leaving once to go to the doctor to get prescriptions to help reduce my pain. Oh, and allow me to eat. My appetite was sapped, and anything I tried to eat wouldn’t stay down. Who would have thought that the best weight-loss method is having a fever. I lost 10 pounds! I am a success story! Also, the hot water disappearing while I was sick was a cruel trick by the apartment. But, I’m much better. The prescriptions gave me life again, and allowed me to eat, something I will never take for granted again. I’m hoping this is the last time I’m sick for a while. My body should be best friends with all those foreign germs by now, since it felt the need to attack my own body to protect me from every single one of them. Honestly, at least I didn’t miss that much in the end.

Problem 1: We Seem to be Having a Communication Problem

For me, this is a huge problem! Yes, I live in an apartment building with nine other Americans in the immediate vicinity. Yes, my classes are taught in English, and everyone in them speaks English. Yes, many of the Portuguese around here still speak enough English for me to be able to buy some milk, or ask if I can hitchhike. That still doesn’t mean it isn’t my biggest problem. I am an English spot in the middle of a blob of Portuguese. I cannot communicate with a majority of the people around me. If I were to want to ask where something was in a a store, I could not manage (this has led to aimless wanderings around my local Continente until I finally find the right aisle). I cannot question whether that price quoted to me is actually right (as in when I got scammed by the taxi). I cannot ask a bouncer why they let the person in front for free, but want me to pay (didn’t happen to me, but I heard that happens to Americans). I’m essentially mute. Luckily, I’ve been able to get by so far. But, I’m hoping the Portuguese language coursework that I started this week will help me immensely. I think also that it is respectful for me to learn the language of my host. I want to assimilate somewhat, not be forced to be separate in this way. I have high hopes that this problem will be resolved soon.

 

Well, these are my problems. Not too significant, but enough for me to write about them. I hope you had a good laugh at my problems with the shower at least. That being said, thanks for reading! Click the subscribe button if you want e-mail updates about when I post! I will try to do more of these lifestyle posts, and not just post about cool places I go. I don’t want this blog to turn into an Instagram feed (roasted). Good luck to all my fellow students back home starting school this week! Until next time,

Jeremy Caldeira