I am conscious of being a short brown queer feminine-masculine person when in front of the class I teach. I am conscious of every moment of hesitation I have that my students witness and how they witness it in the context of my being a brown queer person in a position of authority. The manifested presence of my own disabilities – specifically anxiety and depression – is something I think about often while performing my role in the classroom.

I think about my student’s abilities — reflecting on what they shared in their initial letters — their insecurities, the things they have overcome already to be here (addiction, military service, economic instability, etc.). I think about the women of color in my class – how I want to talk to them and ask how they are doing – from a place of knowing / being familiar with their potential struggles and wanting to provide encouragement.

I think about the white male students in my class and how I simultaneously want to support them in accessing a healthy version of themselves and how I am also somewhat uncomfortable with cis-heteronormative-male-ness that if often toxic and threatening to people like me.

I think about my students writing when I read their work – how some of them struggle and what that means for their future academic careers. I wonder what role this class – and I – can play to support them.

I have a desire to make the curriculum more explicitly centered on social justice. I feel both optimistic and nervous about this – can it do everything it is supposed to in terms of course requirements? English, composition, writing are all so broad and to me have been a source of empowerment, when given the opportunity to read, reflect, and write in ways that help me discover both myself and liberating ideologies.

McRuer has an interesting take on de-composition –  a part of me finds it liberating and a part of me worries that realistically it is our duty to arm students with everything we can for them to navigate the demands of society.