Hi, Student B,
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with me. I really like the way you took a specific idea, gratention, and focused on it throughout your assignment.
I thought you did a nice job introducing Mike Rose’s article, in a lot of ways this helped center me in the ideas that you were bringing up. Through this you were able to show me where you got the information initially and then break it down using your own experiences and ideas. It helped me guide me along with how you were thinking about writer’s block and your experience with it as well as how that plays with you thinking about your writing process.
One thing I would like to see a little bit more of in the future is connecting your ideas to the ideas you’re directly quoting. In your paper you have: “The article also goes on to talk about how writer’s block is obtained. ‘Rules can be learned directly or by inference through experience.’ This quote shows that the way writer’s block is obtained is through the way in which you are taught.” Though these sentences make sense together, I want you to connect it to your ideas in the same sentence. You can introduce it as an example if you would like, but what is important to me in trying to make these sentences go together is you remembering that your voice and your ideas matter to me as an audience member, and that you’re just as important as the text your quoting.
A similar thing happened when you introduced Mike Rose’s text where the sentences could be combined: “There was an article done by Mike Rose titled ‘Rigid Rules, Inflexible Plans, and the Stifling of Language: A Cognitivist Analysis of Writer’s Block’. This article went in depth about what it means to have writer’s block.” The way the sentences are now feel a little disjointed, but I think that incorporating them together would make it feel like one whole idea.
Overall, I thought you did a nice job at talking through the different thoughts you had about how to think about or not thinking about audience.
I look forward to reading more from you as the quarter continues!
Best,
Destiny
When I sat down to do this assignment, I told myself that I would give feedback to the first essay and then read through the rest of them trying to get it done. the first essay, however, sent me into thinking a number of different things.
- The possible limitations I feel working with globalized asynchronous feedback, especially when the student is actively self-deprecating.
- My current struggle to address this kind of language in interactions with students, specifically with email communication. I have a student who will let me know he isn’t going to be in class or is turning something in late uses language that’s really harsh on himself.
I then decided to give feedback to Student B in the Emotions paper.
When I went about giving feedback to this student, I wanted to focus more on global aspects and then get a little more detailed. I also tried to remind the student how I value them as a writer by borrowing a way I used to try to talk students I was working with at the Writing Center on incorporating sources or quotes. I don’t know how effectively it worked in this format, but I wish for this I could’ve done line feedback as well as a global feedback… which isn’t how I’ve been giving feedback this quarter, but I really like being able to pinpoint feedback in that way.
I think that this feeling comes mostly from the facelessness of not knowing anything about the student I’m technically writing to. I would connect this more to my experience giving asynchronous, but I just did that in a conversation and I don’t want to write it all out.